righty-o. haven’t done one of these for awhile, and I’m not sure how ‘magickal’ this is, but I thought it might be useful to check in and take stock. feel free to imagine me in a robe made of human skin, slumped next to a bottle of absinthe, siguls painted on my upright ‘wand’, if it helps you get into the mood.
practice front: nice clean fruition this week. great sense of relief. incrementally increasing clarity and distinction in perceptual abilities. on the one hand, I’m getting a bit sick of being on the insight merry go round, but on the other, at least I’m getting a good look at the features of the terrain. no backsliding, and no messing about with claiming things I’m not able to back up. in all things, a firm foundation will serve you well. I’m getting a clearer and clearer sense of all things being the same stuff. ‘ditching the split’ as it were.
on the morality front, I’m once again firmly in the celibate column. and I can say that with some conviction this time, because I had every opportunity to get with a lovely lady and chose not to. I’m being pulled another way. I regret the hurt and confusion in that exchange, but at the very least, I can not squander the lesson.
for most people, the complex of emotional stuff that clusters around relationships is a big deal. being able to rise above it has some interesting effects. great clarity, sense of centeredness, unwinding of dependency and attachment issues. and I sleep like a baby, which hasn’t happened for a long time. win.
on the work side, I am well and truly done with security bullshit, once and for all. my last day is next week, and in september, I am back in school full time. I took the full damn year to upgrade some high school stuff and I can march into the halls of higher education well girded. I don’t care how much debt I have to rack up. I’m not coming out till I’m a theoretical physicist or biochemist. truthfully, after years of flailing meth-heads, schizophrenic homeless people, whiny clients, and incompetent bosses/coworkers, being able to put my head down and tend my own garden for a while feels like a blessing and time to heal. nearly ten years of being rubbed raw by the worst life has to offer, is enough for any man.
and on the physical side, I’m pretty damn fit these days. certainly more fit than I’ve ever been, I think. I run up to the top of a nearby hill twice a week, which is nice except for wanting to puke at the end. I still walk everywhere, I do a hundred pushups every other day, and will start hitting the weights at the campus starting in the fall. for some reason, my appetite has diminished so that I’ve lost about 5-10 pounds In the last few months. haven’t weighed myself, and not too bothered anyway. I actually started to feel a bit gaunt, so I’m indulging a bit more to put a little peak-oil-collapse insurance back on my bones.
website wise, I’m going to be doing something a bit different with my podcasts. I was planning to do one on the singularity, but eventually realized I was going to mostly retread thoughts I had here 4 years ago. I’m noticing more and more that I’m covering old ground, and part of that is trying to start at square one with people, but I’ve gotta take it up a notch or I’m going to keep being kinda bored with things.
So I’m going to attempt to clear the decks and cleanse the pallete, as it were. the next two or three episodes of the mosaic effect will not deal with distinct topics, but rather a kind of summing up and final word on things up till now. my meditation for this is to imagine what I would say or record if I only had three hours left to live. my half-assed legacy to suffering mankind. which at least ought to make whatever I do after that, a bit peculiar.