I want to get things moving again here, so let’s pare it down to the basics:
I’ve done tons of commentary, tons of investigation of obscure topics, tons of speculation and meandering observations. Maybe it’s time I settle down to what I know I’m best at, and what I know my best contribution is.
So for the time being, this is a personal practice blog, and a related q&a. Nothing else . Fun is fun and ideas are ideas, but after awhile it’s just ashes in my mouth if I know I’m not towing my personal line. The best thing I can do for myself or anyone else is to achieve a perfect and complete realization and equip other people to do likewise, the best I’m able.
I can’t fool myself anymore that I’m ever going to be ‘normal’ or I’m ever going to be able to have ‘a life’ in the commonly used sense. I’m not sure I ever really wanted that in the first place. I’m not lying to myself anymore. and I’m certainly done lying to anyone else.
The world has no use for another dark night basket case, or another near miss at true understanding wrapped in half baked platitudes. I know what I’m capable of, and it’s more than that.
I really cannot believe it’s been almost seven years since I glimpsed into the heart of ultimate reality and knew exactly what the end of the path was. Since then I’ve wavered around like some kind of drunk, whining and flailing about in some kind of convulsive attempt to avoid the work involved in living up to it.
I’m tired of looking people in the face and trying to explain to them that there’s an inferno raging behind my eyes, in some way that’s not going to make them uncomfortable. I’m tired of acting like any of this scripted sitcom existence is actually real. I’m tired of trying to ‘relate’ to these ‘people’. They aren’t people. They’re pieces of machinery. They’re butterflies flapping around inside a furnace, trying not to burn. They are lies that walk and talk. I know what they will say before they do, and I have no further business with them.
and yes, yes, I can already see the well meaning souls lining up to tell me it’s not that bad and no need to be so hard on everyone, or myself, but really, Bullshit. Bullshit.
I really don’t think what we need right now is another hug session and hold each others hands and say yeah it’s perfectly alright that we’re stunted parodies of humanity and we dance and hug, and smoke more joints and play video games until we get composted back into the biota. It’s not alright. It never was alright. It will never be alright. That’s not why we were given our lives. Does anyone seriously think that’s why we were given our lives? So we can shuck our responsibilities, and ignore our own light, and avoid the pain, so we can pass the buck to someone else?
Nor does it mean you can vent some tepid self loathing, mouth some convenient self recrimination and go back to doing the square root of fuck all and screaming at other people for not doing what you don’t do either.
There is work to do.
If you don’t get that, then we have nothing to talk about.
otherwise, I’ll meet you back here tomorrow.