wanted to write something today, even if it’s not too scintiliating.
First I was kind of sick, then I was just busy, now I feel like I have too many ideas in my head to act on succinctly.
When I got to the end of the by-now-notorious debacle that was the augoeides project, I felt like one of the conclusions I had drawn was the need to take stock of my body of work here, and try to integrate the understandings that came out of it.
It may seem odd, but a lot of the things that come out here pass my lips or my keyboard without really registering in conscious mind. I spend a fair bit of time going over this stuff and wondering where the fuck it came from ( as I’m sure many of you do as well ) I sometimes feel as if this site is put together by my alter ego.
I eventually realised that this site was my ‘download’ in the phillip k dick or holy guardian angel sense, but not untill there was so goddamn much of it, that it breaks your head on the way in.
I’ve also noticed that the best received stuff on this site is the stuff that I’ve taken the time to fully think through and make sense to myself, rather than the disjointed babbling that sometimes comes out.
But anyway, the point is I’m doing a lot of that heavy lifting behind the scenes right now, and hashing out the shape of things to come. I’ve got a great backlog of ideas to implement, but I need to improve my hardware situation to get back into the 21st century, and get clear about what the hell I’m trying to say and who I’m saying it to. I realise a lot of the time I’ve been talking to myself, and while there’s a time a place for that, it may be time to set it aside for awhile.
Besides all that, I’ve formed a resolution to quick fucking around and finally get this arahat thing done. I’ve got about ten years of formal buddist practice in, and like much else here, it goes in fits and starts and I’ve gotten to the point where I know exactly what to do and how to do it, so everything else has to take a back seat for a bit. I’ve resolved to finish the path within 30 days. I’m on day 3 of that now, and I’m just digging deep into samatha jhanna practice for 10 or 12 hours a day to tighten up my concentration and make the subsequent insight manuevers easier.
At a certain point, gotama knew he had enough raw materials from studying with various teachers to finish the task he had set forth for himself, so he resolved to sit under the tree, and not get up until it was done. Like many things, it was about will.
Does anyone think you become enlightened without deciding to become enlightened? Not deciding to TRY. Fuck that. But deciding to DO IT.
“The training is nothing! The will is everything! The will to act.”
and so it is…