well. that’s another week of my life I won’t be getting back.
Much of my practice has stagnated, partially because of an ill-advised binge of internet checkers, of all things, partly because I’ve been feeling a bit sick, and partly because I’ve realised if anything is going to get done vis a vis the clinic I’m involved in, it’s business practices, decision making and whatnot, I’m going to have to do it mostly myself. While I was doing security work, and assuming it was getting along satisfactorily, the real situation has been a combination of naive indifference, and benign neglect. So it’s roll up your sleeves for interminable meetings, green meme hand wringing, and attempts at financial success through the grace of god. Sounds ludicrous? So it should. It did to me too, when I realised this was the ‘business plan’.
Anyway, I’ve probably backslid in my insight practice to a somewhat less pleasant stage of agitation and irritating vibrational phenomena. I spent much of yesterday night trying to make that up, and get back to where I was, which is close to ‘fruition’ as it were.
Part of that is coming to a certain level of acceptance with my situation, and the basic facts of life in general. It’s one of those classic ‘ you can only move from where you are, not from where you aren’t ‘ kind of things. I have no fear of the truth. I just need to find it first.
There’s no point thinking about stage 5 of the alchemical intiative, when stage 2-3 is faltering. Build a realtionship with reality, kids, it will do you well.
Luckily, money continues to fall from the sky. I wouldn’t want to build a lifestyle on it, but that’s pretty much what i’m doing right now. I have turned from the David Blaine of occultism, into the Cosmo Kramer of occultism. Such is my burden. Quiet dignity is my only option.
The gym is a highlight. I didn’t get into it to look better, but it’s nice to see that I do. That and either I’m getting a lot stronger, or I’m just using what I’ve got in a more coordinated fashion. Bit of both I guess. My cardio training approaches the level of ascetic mortification. But you gotta discharge the stress somewhere, might as well be in the gym.
My work on this site is faltering as well, mostly for lack of a coherent idea. Not lack of ideas, i have plenty of those. just a certain level of cohesion which ‘my mind’ seems to lack in general right now.
dietarily, I’m doing somewhat better. I’ve been doing a mineral supplement consistently twice a day, and it seems to have helped. More water though. I’m sweating a lot lately.
Got some new glasses, which I’ve only needed for about a year now. Let this herald a new aeon of clarity.
and the updated goals list, of course…
-one hour of just jhanna, seated, every day
-another hour just vipassana, every day
-take my ordination test
-stretch my neck and inguinal area twice a day rather than just once, as I do now.
-perfect my weightlifting form
-clean up my diet definitively, so as to remove my recently acquired allergies and maintain good energy levels ie; eliminate bread, dairy, pesticides, additives and whatnot as much as possible. eat more fresh food.
-get a new mic
-fast one day a week
-stop swearing altogether, except for artistic usages.
-assess my material possessions and dispose of anything extraneous asap.
-create something for the site every day, even if it’s crap and I throw it out right away.
-get a cellphone to receive calls for the clinic, prefferably one I’m not paying for..
-get the website up to a traffic level where ads and donations are a significant portion of my income ie; post something every day, for starters.
-variously, attract business propositions on the basis of my work here.