Apologies for the silence. Besides burrowing through the stages of insight, I’ve been contemplating some new subjects for the site, as I’m starting to feel as if I’ve exhausted some of my characteristic obsessions for the time being.
In any event: on monday, after several hours of exquisitely agonising observation of fundamental suffering, I seem to have crossed into the insight stage of equanimity, as I feel mostly relaxed and calm without even trying most of the time right now. Every day or so, I fine tune some observations, and last night I found that I was observing the three characteristics ( non-self, suffering, impermanence ) in my sleep, which ought to be a good sign.
One of the things that debunks the delusion of self is realising that the sense that most people have of a ‘watcher’ inside ones head or somewhere thereabouts, is really just a set of sensations like any other, and not somehow separate, special, watching, or in control of other sensations. The idea that your sense of self is not really any different than the sense of your foot, and that neither one is the seat of awareness, is kind of odd, yet this is a doorway to liberation. When I actually observed this yesterday ( as opposed to merely working it out intellectually, which is fine, but useless for real insight), my mind was apparently so shocked by that, it spend all night trying to find a new reference point, even interrupting my dreams in the process.
It’s very uncomfortable to notice the moment to moment convulsion of awareness that causes you to twist your perception around into a sufficently tight knot that you don’t notice that you are not in fact seperate, but part of everything. If feels like a muscle spasm in your brain. And you do it almost every single moment of the day.
When you notice this clearly enough to see that it really sucks and that it’s crazy and you’d be much happier if you quit doing it, you get to become enlightened. Simple as that.
As a minor digression, anyone who thinks becoming enlightened automatically bestows psychic or siddha powers is probably slightly confused. They do seem to interrelate but the intention to do one does not necessarily lead to the other or vice versa. I think it’s just when you stop the mental twister game in your head, you have all these other limbs free and extra attention to like, levitate your begging bowl or stop bullets in the air and shit. More on this at a latter date, obviously.
I resolved to raise the standard for my flexibility training again. I look like a tool at the gym, but I could kick most of their asses, so fuck em. You might wonder what the big damn deal is about being flexible, but it just so happens that I started with a martial art back in the day that is founded on exacting postural training that really confounds most white people who use chairs and toilets with seats and stuff. A few degrees of rotation in your neck or hip might not seem like a big deal but when someone is swinging a naginata at you, which is a six foot staff with a three foot razor blade on the end, it might be more clear. Not that I actually do that, but that’s what it’s designed for. Wooden swords hurt enough already anyway.
Next week is the start of our advertising at the clinic, and I’m manning the phones most of the time, so It’s long days on the meditating bench next to the phone I guess. When I’m not helping diabetics whose legs are rotting off, or the usual spinal distortions masquerading as ‘stress’.
The diet goes well. I usually get in one huge bowl of green stuff every day, and a couple snacks. My energy is coming up steadily. How much of that is good cardio and how much good mineral intake is not clear, but I don’t really need to know.
As for this site, I’ve got lots of balls in the air, but here’s a quick update:
Augoiedes: One more and that’s done. I’m holding off till this fruition is really to drop. Maybe another couple weeks at most? Hard to say.
Mosaic Effect: Always good for whatever I feel like talking about. I’m still open to requests. I’m thinking of taking a detour into some futurist stuff.
Evolutuion by the Numbers: I’m sure there will be some new ones here and there to fill the gaps, but my main impetus is pretty much done by number twenty or so. Most people seem to realise that all you really need to do is one or two of them, so piling on more and more is kind of sadistic.
Systematic for the People: I kind of got bogged down in the systems theory stuff. It all kind of sounds the same after a while. It’s not all the same, but it’s hard to make the language pop. My original plan was to go to 18 in that way but I may boil it down to another few, and then change tack again.
Magickal Record: It’s done when I’m done.
-sustained effort in insight and concentration practice.
-raise the bar in flexibility training
-kung fu training outside
-incrementally improve alkaline diet
-new mic ( yes really)
-prep for a one week straight water fast
-clean your fucking room
-clarify new directions for the site