Magickal Record 02-28-07

One thing I especially enjoyed from the augoeides experiment was the impetus that comes of public disclosure to fulfill ones intentions.

accordingly, and in keeping with my recent injunction to start a journal, we’ll do something along those lines here.

I’d like to keep it fairly minimal and divide it into two parts; an overview of my current practice over a given period and an updated list of goals, intentions and whatnot.

Now granted, I haven’t even posted the finale for the augoiedes series, but I don’t mind talking about where I’m at now. Shouldn’t spoil any of the goodies.

Since I quit my security job in january, my main focus has been to build up my massage business. For the moment that mostly consists of getting up early, heading down to the clinic, and manning the phones, and distributing promotional materials when I have time.

I’ve been trying to either write or record something for the site everyday, but my home computer’s hard drive crapped out, and I need to get that fixed, cause it’s cramping my style. For the moment, alaina’s computer, and here at the clinic fill the gap. I also got a pocket digital audio recorder for my birthday, so that makes things easier. I still need to load files onto my desktop to edit and upload them, but makes the recording process more versatile.

Physically, I’m doing well. I hit the gym three times a week at least, sometimes four. I probably don’t hit it as hard as I could when I’m there, but I’m still exploring my limits in this area. The results seem to be good so far.

My diet as usual, leaves something to be desired, but I don’t have the cash to throw around on health food right now. It’s pretty minimal in any event, though I do eat with alaina more often of late, which probably keeps me alive. My intake of water and minerals is good, and that’s an absolute minimum for good health.

I stretch every day religiously, and I’m getting the flexibility in my hips and neck I was aiming for, which is kind of ironic since I quit doing ninjitsu last month, which is what I mostly wanted it for. I still do kung fu on fridays and hope to take up some tai chi or maybe a short stint of brazillian juijitsu soon.

Emotionally, I’m definitely more together of late. My security job was keeping me on the ragged edge of sanity, and making the break from that resolved a lot of emotional ambiguity that was wearing on me. I was relying on meditation and various meta programming tricks to keep me from falling apart, which is a pretty exhausting way to live, I’ll tell you that for nothing.

The area I’m really pleased with is my concentration and insight practice. I usually get in a half hour or so of insight or concentration during the day, and another hour in the evening before bed. I’m really settling into a good practice routine, which is fine, until work screws it up again.

On saturday, I brushed up against the completion of another cycle of insight practice. For those of you who don’t understand that, suffice to say, the meditative examination of mind and body that yields enlightenment operates in a predictable cycle of practice. It starts hard, flashes on a high point, gets really dark and painful then you climb to a culmination.

That’s an absurdly succinct summary but I obviously recommend you consult mastering the core teachings of the buddha in the sidebar for more detail.

In any event, it is possible to stumble through these things with some success and not really know it, which a lot of people to do mixed benefit, especially characters like me who do all kinds of brain bending exercises as a lifestyle, but this is the first time since maybe 2002 I’m very sure of where I’m at and how I’m progressing. I shall keep you posted.

My current, updated list of goals:

-one hour of just jhanna, seated, every day

-take my ordination test

-stretch my neck and inguinal area twice a day rather than just once, as I do now.

-perfect my weightlifting form

-clean up my diet definitively, so as to remove my recently acquired allergies and maintain good energy levels ie; eliminate bread, dairy, pesticides, additives and whatnot as much as possible. eat more fresh food.

-get my hard drive fixed.

-get a new mic

-business meeting asap

-fast one day a week

-stop swearing altogether, except for artistic usages.

-assess my material possessions and dispose of anything extraneous asap.

-maintain an incrementally increasing level of invested energy and consistency in this site.

-further, be prepared to continue this and keep doing cheap introductory treatments for as long as it takes to build a client base.

-get a cellphone to receive calls for the clinic.

-get the website up to a traffic level where ads and donations are a significant portion of my income ie; post something every day, for starters.

-variously, attract business propositions on the basis of my work here.

we’ll polish this up as we go…

Evolution by the Numbers: Number Thirteen

number thirteen: write it down

One of the hoariest conventions of doing magical work is to keep a journal, variously known as a ‘magickal record’

Myself, I never saw much use in this, as I have a nearly-eidetic memory for most things, and writing down stuff I knew I probably wasn’t going to forget seemed pointless. But it wasn’t until recently that  I understood the larger part of this.

Every day we live is a kind of reset button. It may not seem like it, but each night and new day takes the edge off the endless stream of experience and allows your mind to meander in all the same ways it likes to do, allowing you to forget just enough of your dull routine so that it seems new enough to bother carrying on with.

When you actually record what you’re doing, esoteric or not, from one day to the next, it binds your life into a narrative, and when you do that, a certain part of the mind responds to that and begins ordering your life into a narrative as well.

Besides the benefits of exact note keeping, you may find that turning your life into a story invites the possibility of  actual story resolution.

Sound suitably cryptic? Good.

…and no, I don’t care  how exactly you do it.  Get a book. Write something in it everyday. If it happens to relate to this stuff, then so much the better.

Evolution by the Numbers: Number Twelve

number twelve: start counting your breaths

 At any point when you aren’t preoccupied by something else, either walking or sitting, put your attention on your breaths and start counting them. Even the actual numbering isn’t that important, but if you lose track of the numbers it’s a good sign to reapply your attention.

 The nice thing about this is that you don’t need to know why this works, only that it will. Learning some of the subtle changes in focus will make it go quicker, but it’s just as likely you’ll figure them out yourself.

  Besides sharpening your concentration and calmness, this is a natural doorway into some profound meditative states, and with practice you can carry this anywhere doing almost anything.

  There is literally nothing else you need to know to become a master meditator. If you spend enough time with this process all else becomes clear. The only caveat is that it takes most people several years to really take off doing it this way, so I wouldn’t cut you loose on that alone. That said, the only reason it usually takes several years is that most people spend most of that time trying to avoid actually doing the practice.

  So do as you will.

Evolution by the Numbers: Number Eleven

number eleven: get your freak on

I’m going to err on the side of caution once again, and assume that most of your are suffering some kind of neurotic tension, sexual repression, or misdirected, distorted or pathological manifestation of your bodily energy.

The reason Ican say that with some confidence is that developing these maladaptations is kind of the default conditioning given to us for dealing with the sick, emotionally hysterical, borderline psychotic society such as much of the world now is. That, and the demographics for mostly white, mostly male, internet using, highly abstract thinkers skew towards the neurotic.

So I don’t mean to suggest that you might be sexually frustrated, suffering from warped body image, repressed fantasies that lean towards the perverse, and getting worse all the time, or that you might be suffering various body syndromes and disorders resulting from same… but for the moment indulge me while I address all those other fucked up people over there.

Quite simply, the best way of dealing with this kind of crossed wiring, and the slightly disturbing energy that you are probably giving off because of it( which is not so bad as it sounds since most everybody else is too, to some greater or lesser extent), is to vent all that stuff in some kind of healthy, socially responsible kind of way.

For those of you in a ‘relationship’, however loosely you define such a thing, this probably means actually talking to your partner about what you really want, and seeing if you can’t come to some sort of acceptable arrangement. Instead of, you know, hoping they become telepathic and find out that you secretly want to be bound and whipped and subjected to golden showers or something.

Sadly most people are so insecure, even in what passes for a loving partnership, that they can’t even talk about these things, and play tippey toes around each other, and any hint of organic libido, and how it might pass through the prism of our own unique imprinted imagery.

I will be the last to say that a relationship ought to be founded on sex, but I will also be the last to say you should try to ignore it either.

For the rest of you, if you’re not in a relationship and you want to be, a big reason for that is probably some of that body pathology and distorted self image I was talking about.

One of the better ways of redressing this that doesn’t involve depraved sex acts, is to get some body work. Y’know, massage and stuff. One way to reprogram the body and it’s responses is to wipe the slate with some pleasure signals. Getting a nice thorough massage on a regular basis is a good way to do this.

If you feel good, you will look good( or, at least, on a subtle level, better), and when you look good, it’s more likely another human will want to see you naked.

And lastly, if you’re a celibate either for a temporary undertaking, or as a lifestyle, some body work will still probably be useful to smooth out the repressed body energy, and help you focus it on whatever else it is you’re doing.

The Mosaic Effect 28: …I am Jack’s Holy Guardian Angel

Tyler-Durden.jpg

Yes, indeed. The esoteric ‘analysis’ of Fight Club. Specifically, as a map of the kabbalistic tree of life, and the quest for the holy guardian angel, which is obviously somewhat close to my heart of late.

Malkuth,Netzach,Tiphareth, crossing the abyss,  the dark night of the soul, the ikea nesting instinct, a vision of the high priestess, acceptance of death, jungian individuation, and the shadow pathology of the idealised self

podcast page

Direct download: TME28-I_am_Jacks_HGA.mp3

“All the ways you wish you could be, that’s me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.”

“Little by little, you’re letting yourself become… Tyler Durden.”

Evolution by the Numbers: Number Ten

number ten: notice your reactiveness

Life is full of things you do without thinking, but I’m going to suggest that your start thinking about some of them.

By reactiveness, I am, for the moment, referring to automatic negative reactions. When something you don’t like occurs and itimmediately triggers some other mental or physical response to it, to make it either stop happening, change it’s presentation, or disappear.

You don’t need to do anything about it just yet. Start with noticing it. Taken in toto, this consitutes your conditioned pattern of rejection of the world as it is, and/or flight into the world as you think it ought to be.

Worth paying attention to.

Evolution by the Numbers: Number Nine

number nine: become consistent

One thing I’ve heard Douglas Rushkoff say that I thought was especially smart, and this is coming from a guy who says a lot of smart things, was that the most revolutionary thing anyone can do is to become totally consistent in the very smallest of their actions.

What does that mean? It means if you have a value, a principle, a practice, an observance that holds meaning for you, don’t just do it when it’s convenient, or interesting, or rewarding. Do it all the time, do it everywhere you can do it. Don’t just hold up your standards when it’s easy, but when it’s hard, when it’s unbearable, when no one is gonna pat you on the back for it.

If you want to meditate, then meditate every day, every chance you get. Don’t treat your life like the metaphysical supermarket. If you’re gonna do these things, then DO THEM until you cannot learn anything more from them, or you you simply cannot continue.

If truth, or justice, or understanding hold meaning for you, then apply them everywhere. Speak the truth to everyone, apply your integrity and justness to every interaction, not just the people you like or respect. If you really want to be healthy, then don’t just have a vegan shake on the weekend. Throw out the crap in your fridge, and don’t buy it again.

If you’re going to bitch about economic disparity and poverty, the inequities of the global financial system, then quit spending so much money to support it, it’s banks, it’s currency, it’s buisnesses.

If you do even one of these things, your life will get very interesting, very fast. So don’t complain if your life isn’t as compelling as you’d like right now. It is what you have made it.