In the interest of conserving some of my upload capacity, I thought I might indulge in some text… try out my new desk and all that.

  Much of what I’m doing now is workbench stuff, and kind of catching my breath from the first phase of the working, consolidating the gains as it were.

  The fast remains easy enough. No jarring side effects. I’m concerned I might be overindulging in pureed fruits and veggies, and taking the edge off the fast, so I’m adjusting my intake accordingly.  My need for sleep is minimal and my energy remains high.

  The thrust of the weekend has been casting about for ways to go deeper, and along those lines, on saturday morning I consulted the thoth tarot, as it remains my favorite oracle by far.

I went for a fairly minimal three card layout, with the center card being the core idea of how to proceed, and the outer two modifying or commenting on that.

 death

   the lovers

                             

 the prince of swords                    

a bit of commentary thus:

Direct download:

AUG7-_toward_the_center_of_the_weave.mp3

following this, I trekked out for a walk in the biting cold rain/snow to attend my martial arts class, which ended up being cancelled due to said weather ( the saturday class takes place outside right now but that’s going inside soon ) but I took the opportunity to plunge into some concentration practice as I walked, which I find I’m pretty good at, mostly aimed at exploring the themes of the divination and such. I find it’s mostly staying at the level of hypnotic type trance, giving some feeling of internal reorganisation. My overall feeling is that a lot of stuff needs to shift to get the contact I’m looking for and my experience so far confirms that. Building the landing strip as it were.

 Saturday evening was spent exploring the idea of some kind of ritual vocal incantion to anchor the process, vis a vis something like the bornless ritual. Arrived at something preliminary but still find the language jarring and stilted. I have trouble thinking my daimon would use language like that or need to hear it. But something verbal and impassioned that appeals to the right brain would be a step in the right direction, indeed.

  As promised I’ve drafted up a list of goals and whatnot for the working, to solidify the intent. It’s worth noting that much of what I specfied earlier has come to pass to a greater or lesser extent. Certainly there is much energy at my disposal right now, so a tighter focus is probably required to go further.

In any event the list is as follows;

( in no particular order as of yet )

 1. Contact experience of the Augoeides/Daimon/HGA ( I will admit to a certain desire for fireworks. buddhism  can be a bit drab. )

2.Break the deadlocked moribund routine of my practice ( I would consider this a done deal, even at this early stage)

3. Renew my sense of purpose ( also well along )

4. Clarify the long game ( ditto. more on this later )

5. Banishing and binding of personal demons ( again, ditto, as we’ve seen )

6. Definitive health fast ( certainly if I end up going three weeks or more, that will be a done deal )

7. Catalyse similar workings in others ( clearly there are at least three going on concurrent to mine, that I know of already, so there is sympathetic intent at the very least)

8. Arrive at the confidence and clarity to make siginificant life choices ( surely the banishing of my demonic critic and cynic will go a long ways in this direction)

I see it is snowing like a muthafucka outside, which is pretty rare for here, so I might take a hint from Mr Laboratarian and scourge myself at the hands of the elements.

So shall it be! Unto the end! Such are the words!

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3 thoughts on “Augoeides Day 6: Towards the Center of the Weave

  1. I haven’t had a chance to listen to the podcast yet, and I plan on going back through the AB series because I feel like I’m asking questions about topics that have been covered there, but: how do you go about really intending something? I mean prior to having something manifest you have to intend it with some sort of strength right? Right now I can get as far as saying “I will do this.” But it doesn’t seem to carry much weight, and as far as solidifying the intent all I know to do is think about what would happen if it came true, but since my concentration sucks that often doesn’t work. Even in the AB series where you mention it’s basically prayer, or chaos magick where you write it down and that whack off or flagellate yourself or something, there has to be some sort of force behind it, and getting that force/figuring out how to put the force into it is where I’m lost at. Even if I have a lot of energy, it doesn’t get directed to where I want it to go, which is why I had decided on meditation being the most important thing to work on. Rather than just saying “I will…” and not follow through on it. I can make all the lists in the world I want but like in one of the mosaic effect podcasts I think my pictures conflict the hell out of each other. It seems like this could be a slippery topic, but how do you go about REALLY intending something?

  2. Well, it’s a complicated field and difficult to explain. My advice would be simply, to do it. Cast some sigils, summon some demons.

    It sounds like you might be suffering some ego-blockage. Meditating on one’s own death, and on suffering pain, while dangerous, can aid in heeling the ego enough so that you can focus on things you have selected intentionally, as opposed to sort-of stumbling through. Likewise, if you believe things might be in contradiction, narrow your focus. Try pursuing one goal madly and maintaining or disregarding entirely the others. Essentially, if you start off saying “I can’t,” you’ve already disqualified yourself.

  3. Thanks for the comments. As far as ego-blockage, I think you’re spot on because I often feel that way. When my thoughts are really all over the place, I can’t seem to get into meditation, or I get really distracted, I often think “Wow, my ego is really…screwing me over.” But at the same time I haven’t figured out exactly what to do about it so it’s sort of like stumbling in the dark with some passing cars going by occasionally, I’ll definitely try the recommendations though. On Zac’s early recommendation to break down my meditation into smaller 1-2 minute segments, I’ve gone slightly lower to 30 seconds or so since that’s about the max that I know I can keep without my attention severely wavering.

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