Alchemy for the Braindamaged XVIII: A line in the Self

And the objects that they make have the peculiar ability to themselves generate this linguistic “stuff” which condenses as other objects. So beings are making objects, showing you objects, the objects are turning into beings and making other objects, these beings and objects, they jump into your chest – and then they jump back out. They jump into your body and disappear into your body, and then they jump back out, waving these things, just throwing this stuff in all directions.-Terrence McKenna





This will be an update to some of the principles of banishing, an answer to a couple of questions, and an entry into some new territory altogether, so buckle up.

There’s an awful lot of discussion these days about what can be grouped under the broad heading of ‘the other’. Sometimes that other is an alien, a supernatural manifestation, a diety, the dissassociated self, or the self-transforming machine elves from hyperspace.

What they all have in common is that they appear to exist outside the boundaries of the self. It probably goes without saying that without a self there is no other, But I’ll bring it to the forefront of our discussion becuase it’s crtically important.

Terence Mckenna once said that the great project of the twentieth century was one of boundary dissolution. between the conscious and the unconscious, order and chaos, black and white, civilised and tribal, male and female, self and other. Surrealism, dada, feminism, psychedelics, civil rights, psychiatry and psychotherapy, free love and the sexual revolution. Boundaries dissolved or in the process of dissolving.

But then what? You can’t neccisarily dissolve all your boundaries can you? Some people might like to, but is that always a good thing? There are plenty of opportunists, human or not, that would love to take advantage of your dissolving boundaries.

The media, for example, is utterly saturated front to back with messages that try to impinge on your boundaries and implant imperitives that are foreign to your preexisting sense of self. Indeed, the whole world is full of little selves that would love to imprint on you. As I’ve said we’re hypnosis machines and invading and colonising each others headspaces is the way it’s done round here.

When you undertake the practice of banishing, you are, in effect, taking the plastic, permeable, boundary between self and other and modifying it in some way. You contract it to expell foreign influences, expand it to encompass new ones, harden it to repel invasive forces and soften it to allow desirable or benign ones acess.

But, of course, everytime you do this you’re actively redefining what exactly is ‘self’ and ‘other’. The self is whatever is inside the line you happen to draw, and the other is whatever is left out.

Take feelings for example: you all probably have the one friend who cannot get their shit together. Someone who is constantly buffeted by a victim mentality, who feels put-upon, persecuted and overwhelmed. They happily try to dump their negative feelings on anyone who will listen.

Most people in that situation will be aware of that friends feelings, but not neccisarily identify with them. Others will be completely detatched and wonder what the big goddamn deal is all the time. Then there are others still who will take on those feelings so totally, that they cannot seperate themselves from it. for all intents and purposes, the other persons feelings are their feelings. No boundary = No difference. The only thing that changes from one to the next is the strength and size of the line drawn around self.

And there’s really nothing to say you can’t draw and redraw that line anywhere you like. You could even take a long-existing behavior or persona and eject it completely, simply by redrawing the line to exclude what you don’t want anymore.

So in short, banishing is that process by which you draw the line. Exactly how you do it entirely ideosyncratic. What matters is you incorporate whatever symbolism or activity will make that experience more real to you. You talked yourself into the boundaries you have now. You can talk yourself into new ones. However you do it, it’s important to repeat it the same way, over and over again. Your mind responds to effort and repetition. It notices the things you do constantly and will move to support them.

Let’s say you have the nagging voice of your ten year old self constantly dragging you down with fear and poor self esteem. You could just close you eyes and say piss off, but what works better is to surround yourself with symbols of success and confidence, visualise your whiny ten year old self in front of you,  and then physically mime shoving him or her out of the circle. Then you reaffirm your more current state of confidence and self-esteem, and then force the ejected self to renegotiate your relationship before re-integrating them. If you can’t come to some kind of accord then tell the little bastard to fuck off. Repeat that twenty or thirty times over the course of a month or two and you’ll probably be getting somewhere.

Now you might ask: how does this process apply to entities that seemingly have their own volition and autonomous existance? Those things are surely not manifestations of my self?

Not directly, no. But the funny thing is, the moment you define the boundaries of the self, you have at the exact same time defined the boundaries of the other. Think of it like both sides of the crinkly edge of a fractal. Every step you take into the other is one step the other takes backwards. Everything you take from outside and integrate is one less attribute whirling around in the deep waters of the not-self.

So even if you encounter something that seems utterly strange and alien to you, the only reason that’s so is because you made it that way. From the buddhist perspective all identities are delusional postulates with no inherent reality. they may function as autonomous entities but in truth it all emerges from the same flickering void of nothingness, and that’s where it goes back to in the end. The aliens are as real to you as you are to yourself. If you’ve got an extremely rigid and/or neurotic ego, there’s going to be a lot of alien seeming shit prowling around at all times. And if you encounter something new and recoil from it, all you’ve done is create a membrane of self/not-self to eventually dissolve and integrate.

   Which I suppose raises all kinds of questions about what the deal is with all these alien contact experiences and the like. My suspicion is that they the veiled attempts of the collective unconscious to pierce the walls of repression around the human sense of self.

 How many times have you heard about implants, rectal probes, fetal tissue manipulation, surgeries, kidnappings, and messianic dispensations of wisdom from our little grey buddies? If you accept that these creatures are at least quasi non physical, then it follows that they might be manifestations of some other trying to either reconcile itself to the human ego, or invade it and colonise it. For myself I find the parallels between alien contact and satanic ritual abuse a little too close for comfort, and recall the admonitions of rene guenon that the crumbling of our collective barrier to the subhuman realm leaves us exposed to all manner of predators and parasites.

  Or it may be that it’s a little more in line with Terrence’s experience. These creature bathe you in luv. They give you gifts. They teach you thier magick and welcome you as a friend. They litterally merge with your body.

 What both of these polarities have in common however is a complete loss of boundary control, which leads me to believe that the intensity of contact -type experiences is strongest either in the neurotic whose rigid defences suddenly collapse, or in the skilled adept who willingly drops his defences for a time.

   My experience of contacting an ‘other’ came under the influence of what i would later estimate as 10-15 dried grams of psilociibin mushrooms. In that state I was able to dissect everything I encountered into smaller and smaller units, until I finally got down to flickering quantum static. Pure noise in the basement of reality. At the time i never thought to go the other way and see what was wating at the top. That particular experience took me close enough to madness that i realised i was done with drugs.

 Meditation eventually gave me the opposite experience: a limitless transparent presence that transcended and included everything that exisited. A vast conscious emptyness of unformed potential. It wanted nothing because it was everything. It had no boundaries to dissolve so I was already one with it. It seemed and still seems to me that our purpose in existing was to accept and integrate every potential of the self, until we rejoin the godhead. Of course that could take a long time, and can a bit of a white-knuckle ride at times, hence the usefullness of banishing.

  All of which may be considered a proper preamble to our next installment wherein we unchain the primordial monsters in the qlippothic depths of reality and make them our bitches…


Hit the ground running…

Well, now that the flight from the wailing despair that was blogspot has concluded, we’ll be getting down to buisness as usual again in short order. but in the meantime i need a way to kill a couple days…

 since it seems we’re picking up some new market share in the attention economy, ( i feel slightly soiled even using the term, but I’ll file it under ‘nigredo’ )I thought I’d throw the mic out into the audience.

 feel free to announce yourselves and any general thoughts that do not neccisarily fit in the framework of my essays thus far.  I’m particulary interested to hear from anyone who is confused( hopefully not just in general, but in regards to something on my sites ), or needs something clarified, or has a request for expansion of some points. I’m planning to revisit banishing quite soon, and if there’s anything else you feel could use a second pass, by all means say so. I promise to actually try and reply rather than rain abuse and scorn on you as is my custom.

 otherwise, fire away with links to horse-porn, islamic jihadist recruiting sites, anecdotes from the homework assignments you’ve done up till now, suicidal cries for help, or simply ringing denunciations of myself and everything i stand for. I reserve the right to delete any or all of them without warning, of course.

 and while you’re at it, if anyone is knowledgeable in audio blogging or podcasting I’m intersted in doing something along those lines soon.

   talking shit is so much easier than writing it, dontcha know…

Alchemy for the Braindamaged XVII: Shoot the Curve


 part I part II part III part IV part V part VI partVII part VIII part IX part X part XI part XII part XIII part XIV part XV part XVI

Let’s talk about projection. Or more specifically, projecting trends into the future.

When I was talking about my health previously, I engaged in a practice of tracking certain habit trends both forward from a past where I started them and into the future whereby I could predict where they would lead.

This ability is a function of the frontal or conscious mind, as it deals with constructs of linear time. The subconscious mind cares nothing for time. To the subconscious mind only the present moment exists. Even when it draws experience from the past or future, that experience is considered to be in the present moment. It cannot distinguish between an image and the reality.

But anyway. It seems like this ability to project trends is growing in the human race, both as we develop greater skill in recognizing patterns and greater ability to abstract beyond the present moment and take in a bigger picture.

And here’s the funny thing: because we can use that ability to tap into wildly extrapolated future states, it provides the subconscious mind with an avenue for plausibly accessing experiences that we might otherwise not dare to do.

Technology not a sufficient cause for optimism? Extrapolate it forward twenty years and imagine yourself as a transhuman demigod exploring space. There’s a headrush for you, and because all you did was plug things that are really happening into your future conjuring algorithm, it must be true. your subconscious mind buys it.

Disenfranchised with the present? Track the rates of oil extraction, ecological destruction, and population growth into your curve generator and shudder in terror, or else gasp in ecstasy that the hated world that is, is on the way out.

Same function either way. You’re utilizing a hypnotic principle called time distortion. If you can trick a person into visualizing an outcome, then their subconscious mind treats it as it were already happening and they don’t resist it. All you did was provide the raw data and the timeframe. So if you carefully frame the data and the time frame you could make pretty much anyone accept pretty much anything.

With me so far? Now here’s the big whammy. If you’re really clever with this stuff you can generate what is known as a catastrophic transition. You project some process so far into it’s future that it launches off the graph that you used to measure it and into a completely unpredictable realm of behavior. The reason things like peak oil or the singularity pack such a punch is that they use mathematical trends to convince your brain that you’re going into a totally unpredictable transition state. You’ve been tricked into confounding your normal categories and definitions of things.

What’s interesting is, you’ve sucked yourself into the realm of chaotic behavior, and in that state of imprint vulnerability, someone else can come along and implant some new set of ideas. It’s the same principle as brainwashing. You render someone helpless, destroy their existing model of the world and in the totally dependent state of confusion, they will grab hold of whatever you give them.

In short, you take someone’s model, time distort it until it explodes and then help them reinterpret the aftermath. TA-DA!!! New reality. New self, even, perhaps.

Now keep in mind, this is not usually an deliberate act on the part of another person to brainwash you. But human beings are hypnosis machines and these distortions and trances are how we construct our world and communicate with each other. Words are just the delivery vehicle for sharing our personal trance states.

Now presuming you understand this, or even if you don’t, you can use this to your benefit. I’ve said elsewhere that your frontal mind places strong limitations on what are accessible or internally consistent experiences for you to have. No matter how much fun or pleasure or joy you want, your subconscious mind knows you almost always prefer to preserve your sense of self and inner continuity, so anything too strong to incorporate into your reality stays in the category of ‘other’ or at least displaced so far into some vague future that there’s no danger in the present moment to your safe state of misery and confusion. If you’re reasonably together or progressively goal oriented you’ll have designed and implemented a kind of incremental curve whereby you can, over time, access more happiness, more love or more creative flow and relaxation or whatever. What I’m going to show is how to reshape the curve, perhaps even jump it altogether into the realm of catastrophic transition. I trust by now you’ve got the tools to do something usefull with it.

We already did something like this before, but this version is even easier and more shocking to your current equilibrium state. The two of them actually work together quite well, I find.

What you do is, and this is easy, is to presume that nothing in yourself is ever going to change. Your conscious mind should have no trouble accepting this, because most of us either crave stasis or fear it so much that we can’t stop thinking about it.

Imagine that for the rest of your life you’re going to keep doing exactly what you’re doing right now, and do it in all the same ways with all the same beliefs. Imagine it in five or ten year increments. Same job, same partner, same limitations, same hobbies and habit patterns. Some of them will be good, some will be not so good. Where will you be? Your mind shouldn’t have any difficulty accepting this scenario, because it doesn’t require you to do anything different. You don’t need to be mindful, or conscious of your activities. You just need to stay on autopilot.

 How long will you live? How is your health? What sort of experiences have you had? Children, real estate, extended family? What sort of markers for personal growth occur simply by adding more time into the equation?

Now I’m going to presume that you haven’t hanged yourself in the shower just now, probably because of the few things in your life that involve growth, creativity and learning. If I addressed this to a crowd of ‘average’ people they would probably shrivel in despair. But if you’ve been around for some time, you almost certainly have some kind of regimen of meditation, banishing, metaprogramming work, or artistic expession in place. So play it out. No more grand upheavals or ecstatic changes. Just play out what you’re doing as routine right now, right this moment in your life, and give yourself the time to see where you end up. Plug 40 or 50 years into that, in five year increments, and what comes out the other end? Do you even get 40 or 50 years, or does your diet, lack of exercise and generally shit state of mind do you in long before that? Or conversely, does your ongoing regiment of health enhancing activities and positive state creation see you through into your second century of life?

Think about education. Are you content with everything you’ve learned? If so, you can look forward to seeing your cherished assumptions systematically torn apart by time and change until you end up confused, rigid and disillusioned. OR, you do some simple math: you could get the EQUIVALENT of a PhD in pretty much anything in an average of about five or six years. Even a modest 50 or 60 years of adult life is the equivalent of ten PhD’s if you continue learning, even informally. How much learning have you picked up so far, and how much do think you will pick up just out of habit in the years to come?

Now change the exercise a little bit, because no human being is truly static. You are not a simple equation. As time goes on you do not simply continue at the same rate. Whatever you invest in right now is what you are getting better and better at. If you invest in negativity, rigidity, fear and toxicity, you can look forward to an exponential swirl down into the recycling bin. Life is cheap and the biosphere is never short of human beings. If you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem.

BUT: If you invest in learning, growth, positivity, embracing healthy change and discipline, you will not only learn and grow more, but you will be learning and growing faster and faster as time goes by. The PhD equivalent you picked in 6 years will come in 4 years soon enough, then 3 years, then who knows? The joyous and creative states that come fleetingly now, will come sparingly soon enough, and reliably still later, and eventually the most outlandishly ecstatic states become your new baseline, until your current measurement system for understanding your life no longer is relevant. You’ve jumped the curve.

And these things are mixed. You have negative habits dragging you down and positive ones accelerating you towards your personal apotheosis. So as you shitcan the dead weight and install more useful behaviors, your accelerating curve becomes more and more like a vertical line shooting towards the great who-knows-what.

You see how this works? First you have habits that involve no change, then habits that involve predictable positive change, then habits that predictably accelerate positive change, then habits that predictably accelerate the acceleration of positive changes, until the whole concept of time and change and scales of positive experience cease to bound your consciousness. Your personal singularity. Because, all due respect to Ray Kurzweil but we don’t need some fucking computer to jump the curve for us. We’ve got the equipment right now.

A Narrower Path

My birthday is coming up in about a week and a half, and coincidentally, a number of things have conspired to make feel old.

Now, mind you, 29, is not exactly old, but when your knees start clicking, you become lactose intolerant, you experience painful muscle spasms due to bad posture for the first time, and your glasses break and you have to confront the poor natural state of your vision, it’s probably inevitable for one to consider this the oft-promised onset of the decline of one’s thirties.

It was only after mulling it over and wallowing in self pity for a few hours that I considered that whole premise to be bullshit. Why exactly does your youthful health and vitality and resilience shut off like a light switch when you hit thirty? Makes no fucking sense to me.

What most people think of as the singular process of ‘aging’, is actually the cumulative effect of several, at least a dozen, separate streams of degeneration that left unchecked result in your becoming physically ‘old’.

What really happens is not that at some arbitrary marker your body decides to swirl down the crapper. More like, at some actually quite predictable interval, the neglect or bad habits you haven’t addressed, have quite predictable effects.

If you continue the slouching and slumping that most of us do in front of tv and computers and in our lumbering awkward gait, you will invariably experience neck, back, and joint problems in an accelerating downward spiral. I’d say 95% of the massage clients I’ve seen so far have this and pretty much all of them dismiss it as ‘stress’. Except when they’re in permanent pain and can’t move anymore.

If you require glasses for reading and lazily wear them all the time, when you don’t have to, the muscles around your eyes that are supposed to control the shape of your corneas, will atrophy, and you will end up wandering through a landscape of blurry nonsense at any juncture when you happen to not have your security blanket.

If your diet consists of the usual over-processed, fiberless, nutrient denuded crap that most of us were weaned on, then as time goes on your digestive and metabolic health will decline, and the buildup of toxic byproducts will trigger all kinds of allergies, sensitivities, chronic illnesses and early death.

If you abuse your body in the characteristic ways of going about ‘exercise’ and don’t invest the time or money in some kind of regenerative or healing activity, like yoga, massage work, fasting, or meditation, the cumulative wear and tear of various trivial but never fully healed injuries will eventually cripple you.

None of this has anything whatsoever to do with actually being chronologically older. Except insofar as a thirty year old has ten more years of stupid habits to account for than a twenty year old, and ten years of momentum in the way of repairing them.

As time goes by, the backlog of stupidity does narrow your options somewhat and makes the window of health a little smaller to fit through. Everything in life is about balance. The thin edge of that balance point never changes, but the consequences of falling off it are proportional to how long you’ve been wandering, as is the difficulty of getting back on after you’ve fucked up.

Most people misunderstand karma. It has nothing to do with cosmic retribution. What you invest in is what you get.

Meditate on that for awhile.

Five to One


Time is short and it’s my lady’s birthday party today, so we’ll keep it brief.

Part of the discipline of concentration is learning not to put your eggs in too many baskets. While you may have ten significant goals or twenty or whatever, on a larger scale you may resolve those things in bigger chunks, bigger overarching sets of priorities.

What I’ve evolved into doing that I find helpful is to lump everything I do into the smallest possible number of categories and explore the relationship between them, as a way of tightening the bonds and unifying my focus more.

What I’ve come to is these:

-My personal alchemical process. ( meditation, contemplation, insight practice, mind training, hypnosis, and character cultivation of various sorts )

-Martial Arts ( physical conditioning, budo taijutsu, wu kung, stretching, diet and general health.)

-Relationships ( Alaina first and foremost, then my close friends, sangha and family. skillful communication, sensitivity and empathy.)

-Creative Expression ( Alchemical Braindamage, writing of other sorts.)

-Work for $ (security, medical massage, ebay, cash in hand miscellany)

Now from moment to moment these oscillate in importance. It’s just a way of determining how many ways I irreducibly split my focus. What I’ve been doing recently is a kind of graphical representation. It essentially resembles an unfinished pentagram with five points, but it would depend entirely on how many foci you determined yourself to have. Five appeals to me because it is the number of time and motion. Four is static and otherworldly, while six is the number of perfected harmony in time. I had four originally but it seemed too rigid. I truthfully couldn’t find six, nor do I really want a sixth right now. We’ll see.

But anyway. What I do is, when I can truthfully say that one of the foci is feeding energy into one of the others, I draw an arrow between them. If the energy feeds both ways I draw an arrow going both ways. I can’t do this in every case. I can for instance say that I write about my meditation and I meditate on my writing, but I don’t really write about my relationships very much, nor do I feed my writing back into them all that much. But as you can see, I’m working on that.

The idea is that when every one of of the foci truly feeds into and out of all the others, then the concentration is no longer fragmented. The schisms are healed. Either that or I turn into a raving mental case.

stay tuned.

The Chapel Perilous Bar and Grill


 I was out with a friend engaged in an… arts and crafts project yesterday. We had a really fascinating conversation that I thought I’d comment on here.

I’ll leave his name out because I know he reads this occasionally along with god knows who else, so I’ll respect his privacy. It hardly matters anyway.

In short he’s been concerned with a string of unusual phone calls and apparent intrusions at his home. Without going into the exact substance, it seems like someone is trying to place his relationship under intense pressure, and/or his mental state in general. When he told about some of this it sounded like he was either lying to me or he was living in a David lynch movie. I know he isn’t lying to me.

I swear to god, if this were any other couple, a more normal one, the shit that’s being pulled on them would have destroyed the relationship, in all likelihood. It’s just so baroque and malicious, and bizarre. Someone with the resources and wherewithal to do something like this to my friend could probably just kidnap or kill him if they really wanted to. Fake phone calls. Impersonations. Dummy phone numbers. Flawless break and entry. They apparently also know EXACTLY when he’s able to pick up his cellular phone or not. It’s disturbing.

It was so bizarre sounding in fact, that it pushed me to consider things in a larger aspect. It made me think of some of the surreal, liminal incidents that Jeff Wells talks about over at Rigourous Intuition. Those experiences that are so outlandish and sophisticated and yet seem to serve no logical purpose whatsoever.

It’s like Jacques Vallee has said; when you look at contact-type experiences as a whole, the only thing they really have in common is a confounding of rationality. But at the same time there’s always enough loose threads there for the paranoid or the skeptic to weave something out of whole cloth. It’s like you have the option at all times to go pronoiac or paranoiac. The experience is meant to shove you definitively one way or another. You could grab your rifle and hit the rooftops, start some idiotic cult or newsletter… Or you could change your whole life, heal your spirit or have the knowledge and conversation of the holy guardian angel.

And as I read RI every few days, as I see the world turning into a psychotic cartoon, as sanity everywhere seemingly unravels entirely, and now it hits me personally just recently, and now one of my best friends… what the fuck, y’know?

We’re all being poised on that knife edge: my friend can choose to think he’s being groomed as patsy for some kind of false flag operation OR he’s being prompted to take his spiritual inquiry to the next level, OR it’s both at the same time OR it’s whatever he says it is.

If he starts acting out, being paranoid and his relationship falls apart, he probably will end up in one of these haliburton detention camps, or suicided in the toilet somewhere. But he could go the other way. He could awaken to his full awareness, his genius. Or both. There’s nothing saying you can’t attain enlightenment in a death camp. But somehow I doubt it will be both. It’s up to us to decide what we want, where we want to go with our world. Down into the toilet, or to the mountaintop? And I fear that asking what it ‘really’ is, where we are ‘really’ going, is so very much the wrong question. I do believe there is free will, and I do believe there is an intention, a purpose to the universe. And all that purpose can do is set the stage. If we chose to sail off the cliff, that’s up to us, and if we can choose to step up and take on our true intended station on this planet, or in the universe, that’s up to us too. But what’s certain is that we are being MADE to decide, and decide soon.

A lot of us will break towards the low road, aligning ourselves to anger and fear and false appearances, what Steiner called the ‘old moon’. The poisonous delusions and despair of the dark night dragging them under forever. And a lot of those folks will think of themselves the way my friend would do in that situation: fighting against the darkness, rifle clutched in hand, living like a hunted animal in an endless terrorscape. He wouldn’t have betrayed himself, but he wouldn’t have lived up to everything he was gifted with.

It is what we make it.

This one’s optimistic

This one went to market
This one just came out of the swamp
This one dropped a payload
Fodder for the animals
Living on an animal farm

Perhaps you notice the new links on the side. Of note this morning is the one to future hi, ‘celebrating the rebirth of psychedelic futurism’.

I’ve recently felt it important to consciously balance the ‘slant’ of the site more towards the middle, and away from the excessively catastrophic and doom based. In keeping with the thoughts expressed here, I am being more careful about deliberately ‘selling’ a particular view, especially to myself.

On a more personal note, I’m very concerned right now with moving my personal view more in the direction of enthusiastic optimism. Y’see, lately the biggest disconnect has been between my objective experience, which is undoubtedly of a higher quality in terms of constructive complexity and productive personal growth than ever before, and my felt experience, which has increasingly been wracked by tension, anxiety, feelings of looming pressure, and most recently cataclysmic paranoia, and borderline psychosis.

What I’ve come to understand is the hidden trap inside the idea of ‘struggle’. The idea that I have to struggle to become happy, productive, positive and a fully realized person. This is doubtless a carry-over from my youth where I was surrounded by a family rife with crime, depression and addiction, generally disaffected and antipathetic toward society, unhappy, and lonely. It seemed my life at that time was nothing more than a struggle to not go under. It never occurred to me to simply change my view of life. All I could do was summon the fury to grapple enldessly with the badness of things. To be a good person in the face of the bad old world.

The problem with that idea is that, if your progress is based on constant conflict, then the moment you try to stop fighting you get dragged into the gears of life and ground up. So everytime I try to chill and just enjoy the ride, there’s a part of me that screams in terror that maybe I’m being overwhelmed just out of the corner of my awareness, and I have to pick up my spiritual two by four and start busting heads again.

But as things reach a higher pitch energetically, as they doubtless have with increased meditation practice, that internal contradiction introduces so much pressure into the system that the whole fucking thing could explode at any moment.

In a way it’s a kind of backhanded egotism. ‘The world is so bad, and to face it must make me so strong and important. I must really be dialed in to the good shit.’ So rather than build a healthy, well integrated self image, all I have to do is inflate the lovecraftian terrors on the periphery and I am automatically promoted in my existential and spiritual importance.

Which is not to say these aren’t valid or useful mechanisms of growth in the plane of duality. But to be married to them? To identify so much with the struggle that you go down with the ship? I think not.

When you act in a play, you seldom have to live the whole life of that character. You highlight some moment of dramatic struggle and walk away. You experience the catharsis and move on. Life can be just like that. No need to impale yourself on the sword of your life-script, my friends. Personal authenticity doesn’t neccisarily mean marching blindly to your self-ordained destruction.

Tune in tomorrow for a frothing nietzscheian rant on the disgusting self destructiveness of slave morality. Or not. If you haven’t noticed, I’m just making this shit up on the fly. Or maybe it’s channeled.

This is prophecy, bitch!