Sometimes you have to go back before you can go forward. That’s my pithy comment for the day. It’s true though, I think.
Before i left home, I was at an impasse in my life, and I was away just long enough to feel like I’d gotten the perspective to resolve it.
Not quite the case. I got home and four months later I still have no job, and I’m living in hostel room barely big enough for a futon.
This is not a bad thing though. The circumstances have given me the oppurtunity for a lot of reflection and reevaluation. No need for all the prosaic details. All in good time. But suffice to say, I wouldn’t feel bad about working in tim hortons for awhile, because i know what I’ll doing right after that.
anyway. not quite so interesting, but it needed to be said.
There’s a pair of payphones right outside my room. I get to hear people’s conversations all the time. It feels sort of sordid and creepy, but also a bit godlike. A good focus for compassion. I met a girl that way. It was pretty strange. “yeah, I know all about you from eavesdropping on your phone calls… what’s your name again? ”
She’s pretty cool.
You ever get that sense of opportunity? Like there’s something just hanging out in front of you, and you’re not sure if you should take it or not? Not out of morality or anything like that, just feeling so removed from your decision making process that it almost seems sad to dive into some new complexity again. That’s how I feel talking to her. I could, but I’m not sure I want to. I’m not sure why I’m not sure.
it’s all a big mystery. Sometimes You don’t want the responsibility of shaping someone else’s life, you know?
don’t worry if you’re confused. order emerges out of chaos.