Zac, you’re a great guy. You really and truly do care about others. You see though, Jesus Christ said so Himself that He didn’t come here to bring all, together, he came here to do The Father’s Will. And that would involve everything you already said,. in THIS post.

For example, the family is not going to be united, but split. The father from the son the mother from the daughter etc etc etc.

The reason why, is because of the physics of reality. Once we start on the evil trip, then it consistently compounds itself. Just as does the good. Even. So there is no escaping the knowledge tree. Good and Evil. The evil that was done since Adam and Eve’s time, has compounded like you said in another post, how time moves on, and it seems slow, but nevertheless continuously progressing. Therefore, you will see evil grow in its strength just as much as good. Sort of like the tares and the good seed growing together.

Jesus didn’t want the workers to pull out the tares that the enemy had sown overnight, in case that would make the good seed get pulled out WITH the weed, or bad seed.

I too went through what you went through. My family life was hell. Hhahaa. Yea. My mother died of cancer at the age of 62….and she was a cantankerous woman most of her life. It was only in her last few years she bacame like an angel. Then my idiot younger brother who was a drug addict and alcoholic since who knows? 12 years of age? He constantly tried to commit suicide by swallowing pills. Most of us wished he would at least be successful at that. But noooo…he had to take the cowardly way out and have the police kill him because he haha couldn’t do it himself! So one day he provoked them. And he’s dead. At the age of 31. That was a few years ago. And my dad. He died at age 69. Who knows WHAT of. I think he was just bored of living any longer hahhaa. He wasn’t so bad though. I actually liked him most of the time.

So there you go. EVERYONE has problems. Let’s just stick it through, you Lambs of God, and who cares of all the hells that we can’t do anything about. Stop worrying ourselves with things we have no way to change. And get happy again to continue doing the wonderful things we can do. Can accomplish. Love. And goodness. And lovliness. All that nice stuff.

(You have the BEST blogs)

So, there comes a time of liberation when we just need to throw everything upon the holocaust of God’s love. It’s terrible but there comes a time. I have noticed your hermetic leanings, but haven’t figured out your actual “theology” but let me offer one healing balm: Jesus is recorded in saying, with zen precision, that unless you become as an innocent child, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. The liberating lesson I rec’d from this is simply realizing we dont have to hold on to it all, becoming tough, cool, worldly. Let go with don’t no mind. Keep straight. Be pliable like a reed in the breeze. The sky opens up.

Thinking about being the hero of your own story, wand vs. cup etc (“Can wisdom be put in a silver rod, or love in a golden bowl?” William Blake. Smart man.) reminds me of an unforgivable month of slackness I took last summer where I worked my way through a couple of episodes of Smallville. Now, to be fair, I was trying to distract myself from Apocalyptic premonitions and it was summer, and there should be a place for very low quality teenage drama in everyone’s life, but still, I found it incredibly useful stuff! It brought me back to the role of art as part of self-development, which was originally part of the Great Unfinished Guide To Everything (it fell somewhere between dreamwork and cultural studies, if I remember), but had fallen by the wayside somewhat.

Anyway. Smallville. Series One has the purest rendition of the ‘Superpowers as adolescent awakening’ allegory, and I found the archetype sinking into my mind and emerging into my dream journals. Invariably admiration for Tom Welling merging into identification with and adoption of the role myself.

I always thought that Superman was the lamest of the superheros – not enough flaws, none of the character, wit and slyness of Spiderman, a bit aloof, cold and alien – too PURE a Superhero (straight out of 1930s post-Nietzschean zeitgeist). But it is precisely this lack of humanity, which makes him so dramatically uninteresting, that also makes him such a powerful site for the projection of archetypal energy. Long story short, I started regaining agency in the dreamworld – becoming the hero of my own story – and good things started to spill out into the real world from that.

I’m sure I had a good reason to tell you all of this. Maybe I’m arguing for television as a powerful shamanic technology. Maybe it was the Nietzsche quote. I think it was the wand and cup thing – the whole dreamworld politics of identification and detachment, and how just disidentifying with everything won’t get you there – sometimes we have to immerse ourselves in the fiction to reconnect with the wellsprings of being. But probably I just liked something I read and wanted to give something back. Even if it is just an interminable anecdote about TV.

Happily, I will be 49 in two weeks. I do believe what I have gone through and continue to go through in life are the stages of alchemy. Before this period I had killing dreams for almost 2 years. I had places all of the USA where I buried the people, and these were hellish nightmares. Then finally came the death dream and an experience that I can only call “the exorcism.” After this death (I was then 32), I got my first “alchemical crown” which consisted of having and finding babies every night in my dreams for months and was followed by beautiful pieces of art that “they” told me was mine. I did not have the language for what had happened to me in those days. But after many years of research I have come to believe that this is the living alchemical process.

Over the years I have watched many of my friends begin this journey. Many have died through it, not being able to endure the pain, or have returned to even a greater abuse of numbness. This past year I have been watching my daughter begin her process of moving into her darkness. I commend you for sharing your darkness with us. I believe courage and talent are necessary for the journey, two sides of the coin that I believe you have.

I look forward to reading more about your discoveries…

Sometimes i think my periodic nosedives into the abyss are just self administered challenges to prepare me for the really hard stuff to come.

If you’re not the hero of your own story then what kind of fucking story is it , anyway?

Glad to be back, and thankyee many times for your consideration.